5 Ways I made Christmas more enjoyable for my child with autism and my entire family in the process
Oh, Christmas. What a joyous time filled with new experiences. The lights, the baking, the snow, the crowded house and the malls, the smell of a freshly cut Christmas tree. All those wonderful events and smells, the loved ones that you associate with at such a joyous time of year.
It was not always so wonderful for our family though. For years Christmas meant additional challenges. Yet we learned over the years how to navigate all the additional challenges that the Christmas season layout before us. I have to tell you though, for a few years I just wanted to cancel the entire event.
My son is on the autism spectrum. This makes many parts of this Christmas season difficult for him. All the extrasensory stimuli (e.g., crowds, new smells, lights) all add together to create an overly stimulated environment(s) that my son found difficult to navigate. We have learned a lot over the years, making adjustments and creating ‘new family traditions’ that were specifically designed with autism in mind. Some adjustments were quite successful, some not so much. I thought I would share some of our successful adjustments with you in case it could be of benefit to you!
STAY HOME CHRISTMAS DAY - We learned early on that travelling to a family member’s house was out of the question. It was simply too much for my son (and a nightmare for myself). So if the family wanted to see us on Christmas Day, they would have to come to us. Out of all the little adjustments we made over the years, this was perhaps the best for my family. My son got to stay in a familiar environment and could escape to his room (with his new toys) when things got to be too much.
CREATE NEW TRADITIONS – We came up with the ‘Christmas bath”. For my son, water has always been a calming sensory event. He is quite happy to spend hours in the bathtub so we created a ‘Christmas Day bath” that was warm and very looooooong! If needed, we would repeat as many times during the day that he wanted.
REVIEW THE RULES WITH FAMILY BEFOREHAND – We would warn the grandparents ahead of time that this day was very difficult. With much care, I would ask them not to grab and hug my son or expect that he spends all his time with them, and warn them that we had made him a ‘special Christmas dinner’ that was not up for discussion. This helped my son tremendously. He could be himself and not have others place their expectations onto him.
ALLOW THE CHILD TO EAT PREFERRED FOODS FOR DINNER – I am a lover of turkey with all the trimmings. Everything about it is wonderful. This is not true for my son. What we learned was we could all have our turkey dinner and we would enjoy it just the same whether my son ate it or whether he ate ‘the usual’. Allowing him to eat what made him happy and feel good made the entire sit-down Christmas dinner tolerable (Oh ya, we allowed him to excuse himself in the middle of dinner too. Better he takes a few minutes to self-regulate than deal with a meltdown at the dinner table).
HELP THE CHILD VISUALIZE THE DAY – We did this in multiple ways. Social narratives when he was young, visual schedules as he got older. The trick for us was to plan in multiple breaks and playtimes (and Christmas baths 😊). This was helpful because predictability is important to my son. Letting him know what was going to happen and who was going to be in our home was very helpful for him. He had a plan for the day and could relax knowing that it would be respected. As he got older, I would set time expectations too (e.g., must sit at the dinner table for a minimum of 10 minutes).
I hope this list is helpful for some. Christmas can be joyous and wonderful, it just may some adjustments to get there. These are things I have learned over years. The first few Christmases were a real struggle. But it does get easier over time. My son is now 13 and manages the day quite well. It was a long road though so hang in there.
Wishing you a joyous Christmas (however, that looks for your family)!